To write or not to write....

That is the question.  To write again or not... It is obvious that over the past several years I have stopped writing like I had at one time.  Maybe it is because I haven't had anything to say...or too much and scared to say it.  I'm not sure, but I'm going to guess it has more to do with life being too crazy and emotional to stop and write.

Life...not sure how to start from that word.  LIFE!  It has been a rough ride lately.  Not sure how to spin it to a positive tonight.  One thing I do know though is that life should be lived and cherished.  Life is not about work.  Life is not about money.  Life has to be about living with purpose and the purpose that God has set before you.  All that is true...and before I get too philosophical, let me get back to being real.  Here is what I know about life...

LIFE IS SHORT AND PRECIOUS!

A little over a week ago my mom messaged me to say my baby brother was in the hospital.  They didn't know what was wrong but he was being kept over night for observation.  He couldn't breathe and his heart rate was too high.  From that point things went down hill quickly.  It has been a roller coaster ride over the past week and a half.  Seeing my baby brother in cardiac icu with all kinds of wires hooked up to him monitoring his every moment just about did this big sister in.  He is my baby baby brother!  Eleven years younger than me.  He was my real life baby doll and the one I carried on my hip everywhere I went.  Now I was watching him lay in a bed and try to breathe.  I was watching his monitor and stressing every time his respirations flatlined (sleep apnea is horrible).

I'm still not okay with the way this is playing out.  His heart is working at only 35%.  He may or may not regain some of his heart function.  His life style and life have to totally change if he is going to live.  Life for him will forever be changed.  The idea of losing my baby brother has just about shaken me to the core.  I have cried more than anyone even knows.  How did this happen?  Why!!!!  I have some of the answers.  I know where some of this comes from.  Maybe in the days and weeks to come I will be able to write more about it.  Maybe.  Right now I just have to wonder about how life goes from here.  How do we help him heal?

LIFE ISN'T ALWAYS FAIR

If you want fair, you can get it in Dallas in the fall when the State Fair is in town!  Well, that's what I tell my students.  Fair isn't fair.  Fair is a joke.  Life for sure is NOT fair!

Reading through my last post reminded me again how unfair life has been in the past few years.  I think my husband is on job number 5 since he lost his job due to someone else's mistake.  A mistake my hubby lost his job over and changed our lives forever.  A mistake not of his doing.  Since then we have lived on a roller coaster ride of finances and emotions.  Five years of a long and nerve wrecking ride.  Just when we think life is settling down and we are handling things again, BAM! Another something comes our way and rocks us again.  Life isn't fair.  But through it all I have learned to trust God for provision.  Somehow we have still made it.  Somehow we are still moving forward.  Somehow we are still making the bills.  That somehow has to be God.  Life isn't fair, but God is good.

LIFE IS ALWAYS CHANGING

There is a "draft" post that never got posted last year.  I'm not sure why I didn't post it but it is sitting in the draft file.  It is funny because it was at the end of the last school year when things were changing.  I was saying good-bye to a co-worker and friend who was retiring and I had accepted a position as lead teacher for 5th grade.  I was also saying good-bye to my 6th grade teaching team.  I had had a GREAT team in 6th grade.  They were my family and I still love and miss them.

Reading over that post is funny because I just found out my work life is changing AGAIN!  This year our school district decided to change the make up of our 3 elementary campuses.  Long story short....I'm being moved from the campus where I have spent 21 years of my life teaching, to a different campus.  So far I am still teaching 5th grade.  Maybe I am still lead teacher...who knows....but I will be with different admin and a different team of teachers.  I will be packing up 21 years of teaching and moving across town.  I have gone back and forth from excited to sad to mad to fearful.  I know that is crazy.  Feelings of shock and disbelief to thoughts of being unwanted and inept have crossed my mind.  Thankfully I have friends who can speak truth into my life.  Thankfully I know that God is going before me in all that I do and nothing happens without him going before me and being with me.  I'm still not sure about where I am emotionally with all this but I am once again learning to enjoy the journey.

LIFE GOES ON...

Life has continued moving forward whether I have wanted it to slow down or back up or rewind!  It keeps pushing forward.  My baby girl has become a junior in college and an engaged woman!  (Wasn't she a baby last week?!?)  That means we are gaining another son-in-law soon.  Our family has grown by 2 more grand babies too.  I am a GRANDMOTHER of 5 now!  FIVE!!!!  I am not sure how my heart can continue to grow in love but each of these new additions adds more love into our lives.

We are finally selling our little house of 30 years and are making plans to build a house on our land by my parents.  We have always dreamt of doing this and now life is moving us forward.  All of it is exciting and scary at the same time.

Whatever it is, life goes on....The world keeps spinning.  Life keeps changing.  Good will happen.  Bad will happen too.  The ride will continue as long as God wills.

LIFE....LIVE IT....