I really don't have a focus for writing today. I just have a lot bouncing around in my head. I'm home sick....probably strep...and the rest of the family is at church. That use to never happen, but now Mike gets everyone up and out the door for church. What a blessing! I watched Facing the Giants again this morning. I love that movie. I think it really does show what God can do in our every day lives. We need to view His hand moving in our lives and working out the miracles around us. They are there....everywhere! We just need to stop and look for them. I also think if we are focusing on our relationship with God then we are more likely to recognize the miracles that are happening around us.
For example....my brother was actually reaching out and NICE to us yesterday! I am still in shock. I don't know how or why, but it seems to be a positive step. I left Christmas with a feeling of distress again over my brothers. Jon had called Todd "his" brother, like I was not part of that part of the family. I have felt that for so long that it was like a knife stabbing my heart. I had to work through forgiveness and pain again to not let it ruin the rest of our Christmas. Then, Jon sent me a message telling me how much he enjoyed spending time with us and that he loved me. Jon is my baby brother and he and I usually have a good relationship, but it had been strained in the last few years due to OUR brother..Todd. It made me cry when I got his message and then I realized he had moved the girls and myself to his "top friends" on his page. That is a big step for him....and us.
But it was last night's email that made my heart skip. Tara was checking her "space" and had a message from her uncle Todd. Last time she had a message, she got to respond in her "prophet" gift mode and tell her uncle just what was on her mind. It lead to a lot of hurt, and maybe some healing. Anyhow, Todd had responded to a bulletin that Tara had posted and we were a bit afraid of what he might say this time. When we opened it, it was a message for Mike and I THANKING US for his Christmas gift and telling us how much he appreciated it. WOW! That was so unexpected. It was a bit of an olive branch I think, but we still have a long way to go. Todd didn't even come to Christmas with the family. It hurt Mom and Dad, but we went on with our celebrations anyhow. I have been harsh in how I have been thinking about Todd over the last several days and I am repenting of that. I need to love first, judge last and forgive all the time. It is not easy for me.
We meet with the wedding planner tomorrow! Ash and I are meeting with her and then going shopping for a little bit. (I am really sick of shopping!) But, I think I am going to try to look at stuff to make the bouquets for the bridesmaids. We will just have to see if my creative side can be revived. I made all the bouquets for my wedding....except mine. Then, on Tuesday Ash and I and all her bridesmaids....including Chelsea and Tara....are heading to Firewheel mall to the bridal shop. Wedding and bridesmaid dresses are on the agenda. This should make for an exciting adventure. Just me driving up there should be fun. I am going to have to raid the savings account before we go.
New Years is bringing a lot of activity for us already. Wedding plans hit high gear now that Christmas is over. Diets are back! Mike and I had done so well up until about Thanksgiving and now we have to get back to it. School starts back on the 2nd and I will be working hard for our TAKS season. I also played with figuring our income TAX today. We may or may not get a refund. It all depends on this crazy tax law stuff. We will either get about 2100 back or owe about 700. I am praying for the law to stay what it was so I don't owe!
On another note, I have come to see how truly blessed my life is. God has blessed my life with some great friends. Friends that have come in and out of my life to leave their footprints on my heart. My coffee group is an amazing part of my life. I truly see and feel God's presence when I am with these girls. God brought us together from different walks of life and different experiences, but bonded us together in ways that words can not explain. This year I have also reconnected with friends from my childhood. It is great to see God bring us back together to share our joys and sorrows and know that we can survive anything when we have God at our side. I also work with an amazing group of friends. For the most part, it is good, but as in any family, there are struggles and that is what I see us as.....family. Our small group and my summer Bible study group continue to encourage my walk of faith and keep me accountable as I work everything out. My children are also great friends to me. They make me laugh and smile when nothing else can. Watching them grow and being their friend through these travels of life makes it all the more rewarding. Then there is Mike... I can not imagine life without him and I know I am truly blessed to have a husband like him.
There are others that I have not even taken the time to mention here, but they are still very dear to my heart. I am truly blessed. I pray that I continue to count my blessings and dwell on such good things in my life.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Marriage 101
Lately I have become a little more than concerned about many of the marriages around me. I count up to 5 that I know of in the last year that have struggled with some sort of sin, from lying to each other to out right infidelity. I just don't understand it. What has happen to the sanctity of marriage?
Don't get me wrong, Mike and I have struggled in the past with some of the same issues. It was what I call the dark times of our life together. It was also a time where neither of us were seeking God or striving to live as He commands. Trust was lost and it took me a long time to regain some of that, but we did it. It was a dark season in our lives and our children most certainly suffered from it. But how do families/marriages get to the point of not loving each other enough to honor their marriage above all else? I know for us it came during a time where we did not put each other first nor consider the other in decisions. We both were working too much and busy with raising small children and trying to make ends meet. We went to bed too many times with hurt feelings and unresolved disagreements and let those things fester into real problems. We held on to too much and forgave too little. Those were truly dark days.
How do we justify lying? How do we justify cheating? When did it become socially okay to cheat? Better yet, when did our churches become so involved in the same issues as the world? I'm sure it has always been. I remember two different families when I was growing up that faced infidelity where one ended in divorce and the other continues to this day to try to stay together. I respect the ones who can forgive and move forward. I understand the ones who just can't. I fear I would be one of those. I don't see how I could forgive and move forward. It would be by God's grace and love that I would have to. It would also be for my children's sake if it came to that point. However, I have watched one family hold on and do nothing more than damage their children's ideas of marriage and the future marriages they would be in. The sins of the father are visited upon his children..... Somewhere that cycle has to be broken. A new pattern must be set in motion and men and women must honor the marriage vows they have taken above all else.
It just seems that so many marriages have been affected by such sin lately. Each week or month it seems that we hear of another family struggling. No, we may not know any details, but by the look in the hurt spouse's eyes, you can read the whole story. The cold or possibly mournful stature of the repenting spouse also tells whether the marriage may be saved. I know God can heal any hurt. He can also use those hurts to His glory. It just seems that we are not guarding ourselves from such attacks on our families. How has this happened?
I think the evil one has done a good job of attacking families. Worldly families have been falling apart for years, but now the attack on families within the church seems to be on the rise. Guarding my heart and my mind while also being aware of the struggles and needs that my spouse faces almost seems impossible in today's society. Babylon......Daniel's Babylon seems to truly be what we are living in. Keeping the integrity of our marriages and families in tact is a constant battle. If we loose this battle I fear the war will also be lost. We must put more emphasis on our marriages and families. Next to our relationship with our Father, our relationship with our spouse must be the most important.
As I see my daughter prepare to marry, I am reminded of the vows I took. Until death do us part.....honor one another....in better or worse.....sickness or health....These were not just words but a vow/promise before my God...the creator of all....that Mike would be my husband and I would honor him. I just don't understand how one can take those words so lightly and then throw them away for another......My heart is breaking for the the hurt I saw today in the eyes of those who have been hurt.
I thank God for allowing Mike and I to find healing from the hurts in our past that helped us put our marriage and relationship with God foremost. It was not an easy battle, but we made it. I never entertained the idea of cheating or leaving. The opportunities were present at times that I could have made different choices, but I learned to "flea" quickly from snares that may entrap, to not even entertain the thoughts of cheating or leaving. I understood marriage was for life and not to be taken lightly. I understood that at the age of 19 and I know it to be even more true today after 21 years of marriage. I know Mike has faced similar battles and we both have failed at times to make the right choices. I am just thankful that we held on to the promises we have made and kept fighting to get to where we are today. I pray we never go back to that place.
Don't get me wrong, Mike and I have struggled in the past with some of the same issues. It was what I call the dark times of our life together. It was also a time where neither of us were seeking God or striving to live as He commands. Trust was lost and it took me a long time to regain some of that, but we did it. It was a dark season in our lives and our children most certainly suffered from it. But how do families/marriages get to the point of not loving each other enough to honor their marriage above all else? I know for us it came during a time where we did not put each other first nor consider the other in decisions. We both were working too much and busy with raising small children and trying to make ends meet. We went to bed too many times with hurt feelings and unresolved disagreements and let those things fester into real problems. We held on to too much and forgave too little. Those were truly dark days.
How do we justify lying? How do we justify cheating? When did it become socially okay to cheat? Better yet, when did our churches become so involved in the same issues as the world? I'm sure it has always been. I remember two different families when I was growing up that faced infidelity where one ended in divorce and the other continues to this day to try to stay together. I respect the ones who can forgive and move forward. I understand the ones who just can't. I fear I would be one of those. I don't see how I could forgive and move forward. It would be by God's grace and love that I would have to. It would also be for my children's sake if it came to that point. However, I have watched one family hold on and do nothing more than damage their children's ideas of marriage and the future marriages they would be in. The sins of the father are visited upon his children..... Somewhere that cycle has to be broken. A new pattern must be set in motion and men and women must honor the marriage vows they have taken above all else.
It just seems that so many marriages have been affected by such sin lately. Each week or month it seems that we hear of another family struggling. No, we may not know any details, but by the look in the hurt spouse's eyes, you can read the whole story. The cold or possibly mournful stature of the repenting spouse also tells whether the marriage may be saved. I know God can heal any hurt. He can also use those hurts to His glory. It just seems that we are not guarding ourselves from such attacks on our families. How has this happened?
I think the evil one has done a good job of attacking families. Worldly families have been falling apart for years, but now the attack on families within the church seems to be on the rise. Guarding my heart and my mind while also being aware of the struggles and needs that my spouse faces almost seems impossible in today's society. Babylon......Daniel's Babylon seems to truly be what we are living in. Keeping the integrity of our marriages and families in tact is a constant battle. If we loose this battle I fear the war will also be lost. We must put more emphasis on our marriages and families. Next to our relationship with our Father, our relationship with our spouse must be the most important.
As I see my daughter prepare to marry, I am reminded of the vows I took. Until death do us part.....honor one another....in better or worse.....sickness or health....These were not just words but a vow/promise before my God...the creator of all....that Mike would be my husband and I would honor him. I just don't understand how one can take those words so lightly and then throw them away for another......My heart is breaking for the the hurt I saw today in the eyes of those who have been hurt.
I thank God for allowing Mike and I to find healing from the hurts in our past that helped us put our marriage and relationship with God foremost. It was not an easy battle, but we made it. I never entertained the idea of cheating or leaving. The opportunities were present at times that I could have made different choices, but I learned to "flea" quickly from snares that may entrap, to not even entertain the thoughts of cheating or leaving. I understood marriage was for life and not to be taken lightly. I understood that at the age of 19 and I know it to be even more true today after 21 years of marriage. I know Mike has faced similar battles and we both have failed at times to make the right choices. I am just thankful that we held on to the promises we have made and kept fighting to get to where we are today. I pray we never go back to that place.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Let's try this again!
Well, I haven't written in 2 years! TWO YEARS! For a while I was writing all the time, but then somehow that flow of writing just stopped. I think it had something to do with life. In the last 2 years, life has sped up and made some great changes. I probably would have done better with all the curves life has thrown my way if I had taken the time to write and process. Writing has always been my way of processing what is happening in my life and trying to make sense of what it all means.
So, here we go again. I have updated some of the stuff on the blog and I have decided not to delete previous posts. This blog started out as a place for me to be totally honest and real with my emotions/feelings and beliefs. Some of my posts are pretty raw, unedited and not filtered through my sensor. So, be prepared to hear some of the real me, which is not always what I seem to be. If you have been invited in to this space, you are someone I trust to be honest with me and give me unconditional love inspite of my true self showing. I also appreciate your comments and insights. This is a place of growth for me.
I promise to write again.....I have a wedding to plan and a school year to survive. I have a grandmother who's health is deteriorating and a brother...or two...who can't seem get a grip on life. Three daughters, a husband and a set of parents and inlaws, and a future son-in-law.....lots of material to keep me writing. Hang on, some of this may be a bit bumpy.
So, here we go again. I have updated some of the stuff on the blog and I have decided not to delete previous posts. This blog started out as a place for me to be totally honest and real with my emotions/feelings and beliefs. Some of my posts are pretty raw, unedited and not filtered through my sensor. So, be prepared to hear some of the real me, which is not always what I seem to be. If you have been invited in to this space, you are someone I trust to be honest with me and give me unconditional love inspite of my true self showing. I also appreciate your comments and insights. This is a place of growth for me.
I promise to write again.....I have a wedding to plan and a school year to survive. I have a grandmother who's health is deteriorating and a brother...or two...who can't seem get a grip on life. Three daughters, a husband and a set of parents and inlaws, and a future son-in-law.....lots of material to keep me writing. Hang on, some of this may be a bit bumpy.
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