Fireproof!

The other night we went out to the movies to see the new movie Fireproof with some friends. I had wanted to see the movie and knew it would be one of those that would really give me something to think about. What I didn't realize was how close to home this movie was going to hit. My husband and I left the movie feeling like we had just watched a rerun of our early years together. It was hard on us both. We left visibly shaken and very quiet. How did perfect strangers really know how to capture the way we had lived and the feelings we had had?

I almost don't want to share this because in many ways we hid those years from most people. Our home life was not what others thought it was. I believe that many knew it was not perfect, but I'm not sure anyone really ever knew the fires we were walking through. I will spare most of the details, but I will say there are very few scenes in the movie that we could not relate to. I wish we had had someone step in and show us how to navigate through those times. Somehow we survived. Somehow we held on. Somehow we walked through the fire to the other side.

One of the songs in the movie talked about the "slow fade" to where they found their marriage. It wasn't a leap from love to distrust or to the despair that they felt. It is a slow and gradual fall. Slowly and almost without warning, you can find yourself and your marriage in a place that you would have never expected. Life takes over and troubles come along. Hurts are encountered and scars are developed. Before you know it, feeling becomes something you can't afford to do. So, instead of feeling, you close off, shut down and then, if pushed, you lash out. At some point the marriage becomes something of a chore and when someone, anyone, gives you attention that you have been starved for, you easily are enticed in a direction that months before would never have crossed your mind. Before you know it, you are so far away from your spouse that you wonder how you ever were attracted to him/her and it becomes harder and harder to find anything to love.

I had gotten to this point. Numbness was about all I felt, except for bouts of anger and bitterness. I'm sure my hubby felt about the same. We really had become two strangers living in the same house. Our two children suffered through these years with us. There is so much we regret about those days. We are blessed that somehow, God had us hold on.

The movie talks about the "Love Dare." I'm not sure I would call what we did a "love dare" but it was probably by sheer determination and a desire to honor our vows that held us together. We were only connected by those vows and I had even wondered if they would hold much longer. Then a gift was given to us as well. We were given an opportunity to work on our relationship with each other, with ourselves and with God. We spent a couple of weekends tearing apart the strings of bitterness and resentment we had toward each other and others. We also had to break the hold that anger had on us because of our own stupid mistakes. We had to allow God to become part of our lives again and to draw us closer to Him and in response to Him, closer to each other.

I wish I could tell you it was a piece of cake at that point.....but it wasn't. Many years have passed from those couple of weekends and there are days that the old tapes of bitterness try to playback. I continually have to play the new tapes and remind myself of where we are now compared to then. The movie was a great reminder of where we had been and how far we have come. God used two weekends to open our eyes and put us on a path to healing, but from there we had to take responsibility and make the effort to continue the healing.

We both have read many books to improve our relationship. Five Love Languages, Every Man's Battle, Every Woman's Battle, Every Heart Restored, The Power of Praying for Your Husband/Wife, and many many more books. We have also taken time to attend workshops and seminars that focus on marriage and how to make it stronger. We learned to give priority to each other. Other than God, we come first in each other's lives. We had to make US a priority over work, children, responsibilities, desires, and duties. WE had to prove again to each other that we were valued. We also had to find support in friends that were not nay sayers. You know the ones that say, "You deserve better. He treats you bad. You should move on." You know they meant well, but what they were really saying was, "Give up, get out, start over!" That just doesn't work well in marriage. Give up is not in my vocabulary and quit sure was not something I felt God wanted me to do. Remember, I had made those vows and by a string they were holding us together until God's timing was perfect and He gave us the opportunity to turn things around.

Fireproofing our marriage has been a long process. I won't even pretend we have it all right. I am sure we have many more precautions to take and more to learn about each other. I recommend the movie to anyone and everyone who is married or thinking of getting married. I wish something like it had been around when we were learning to fight fire with fire. I am hoping to read the Bible study and work through the lessons with my man as we continue to grow closer to each other and closer to God. The key thing I think I have learned and been reminded of through this movie is that we can NEVER quit learning to love and learning to forgive.

If your marriage is valuable to you, you must learn how to fireproof it! The fires will come! Be prepared and "never leave your partner behind." Make a vow that can not be broken that you will hold tight to each other and never give up. Sometimes it takes just one person in the relationship to decide to make it work. Sometimes you have to hang on when it seems that there is nothing left to give you any hope. Sometimes, you just have to have faith that God will do more than you can ever dream or imagine. I look back now and I can't believe where we were and where we are now. God, in the middle of any relationship, can make it more than you can ever believe it can be. Trust Him.....with every bit of your relationship. He is faithful......