I have never been someone to give up easily. Most of my family and many friends would agree that I am one of those hard-headed, stubborn people who just does not back down without a fight. I have always had this drive to not "give in" or "back down". If there was a problem or fight going on, I was going to stand my ground and NOT be forced to fold. Not me....I was going to be the survivor, the winner, the last one standing, if that is what it took to be proven virtuous or just plain proven to be right. It has not always been the best choice for me and often has caused more than one disagreement.
I once worked for a lady boss that flat out had it in for me. You see, I was her pick until she found out that work was NOT my life, but that having a family and being a wife and mother were more important to me. The minute she found out I was expecting my first child, I became the one she wanted to get rid of. Of course she could not fire me for being pregnant, but she planned to make my life a living hell in order to make me give in, give up, and quit. She didn't know me very well. I was not going to be forced out. I was not going to let someone so shallow push me out. In the process of proving my ability to put up with more grief than anyone should ever have to put up with, I just about went crazy, but I will have you know, I WON! She retired before she could push me out. In the end, I became one of her favorites probably because I finally stood up to her.
Other times in my life I have dealt with difficult people and difficult situations the same way. Just plain old stubborn pride has in many ways held me together when it seemed the world was against me. But I think more than pride has played a part in my way of handling situations. I feel that my commitments to people and to situations in my life have really been the driving force. I had heard years before that "if you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything." I took that to heart. I also took to heart that my word must mean something. You just don't go back on what you say or what you believe.
Commitment has held my marriage together in times of serious trouble. Mike and I have survived some storms that have ripped other marriages apart. There were times that I could have left. I probably should have left, but remember, I am not a quitter. Whether it was fear of the shame that I would feel or the title of "failure" that caused me to stick it out, either way, I made the decision to stay. The other part of that was the desire to "beat" whatever obstacle was in my way and be THE WINNER! On top of that, I made the commitment to God and my family that this was my marriage for life. That meant something to me. At times it took more than I felt I had to continue, but that desire to "stick" was stronger than the urge to quit. (Do not for one second think I am coming down hard on those who have left marriages for good reason. Sometimes we MUST do what is best for us and our family. That is not my point here, so please don't take it that way.....I am just speaking of MY journey.) I am thankful every day that I held on and didn't give up. I think back to the worst days, the darkest moments and wonder how I made it through, but I see what God has done with those many prayers I prayed at that time. He was faithful. He brought our marriage back and in the process brought Mike and I closer to Him.
Recently I was asked what keeps me where I am with the many struggles and heartaches that we have faced within our church family. I have been, as many others, hurt and struggling through the many emotions over the past 3 years. I have lost many loved ones through death and through church splits. Many friendships have been strained and many feelings hurt. I will confess that I have had anger and resentment towards those who left and those who seemed to wrong us. I have also continued to forgive daily and move toward a closer relationship with God. I know my views and my beliefs come from a long history and past with my church. I am a born and raised product of the same church I call home today. However, I see things in my unique and somewhat quirky way. So, to say the least, I don't fit the "typical" mold of those within my faith. That is where the question came from.....why do I stay when I don't always see things the same way and when things don't go the way I feel or believe they should go. The simple answer is....commitment. Yea, it is probably part of my stubborn pride too. I have said it many times....this is MY home and MY church family and MY roots, but the truth is, I feel I owe my faith in an awesome God to the foundations I learned here. I have a commitment and a responsibility to pass on and help others here at home find what God has continued to show and teach me. Giving up on my church family is just not an option. It is not any more an option than giving up on my marriage was. We are not quitters.....not us, definitely not me!
Our society has taught us that we can just throw away, discard, or maybe trade "up" whenever we feel like it. If we get uncomfortable, get our feelings hurt, things get too hard, all we have to do is go find someone else or something else to make us feel better instead of fixing whatever is broken. How sad! We want the newest makes and models. We want to do something different and more exciting because we are bored or tired of where we are or with what we are doing. We don't get our ways or our feelings get hurt, and we tuck tail and run. It is when we dig in our heels and stand firm to our commitments in our faith and to our family of faith that we can make a difference. It is in those hard times and times of trials that we learn who we are and what God intends for us to be. There are blessings in the hard times and when we bail out at the first sign of trouble, we miss those blessings and those lessons intended for our growth in the faith.
I once worked for a lady boss that flat out had it in for me. You see, I was her pick until she found out that work was NOT my life, but that having a family and being a wife and mother were more important to me. The minute she found out I was expecting my first child, I became the one she wanted to get rid of. Of course she could not fire me for being pregnant, but she planned to make my life a living hell in order to make me give in, give up, and quit. She didn't know me very well. I was not going to be forced out. I was not going to let someone so shallow push me out. In the process of proving my ability to put up with more grief than anyone should ever have to put up with, I just about went crazy, but I will have you know, I WON! She retired before she could push me out. In the end, I became one of her favorites probably because I finally stood up to her.
Other times in my life I have dealt with difficult people and difficult situations the same way. Just plain old stubborn pride has in many ways held me together when it seemed the world was against me. But I think more than pride has played a part in my way of handling situations. I feel that my commitments to people and to situations in my life have really been the driving force. I had heard years before that "if you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything." I took that to heart. I also took to heart that my word must mean something. You just don't go back on what you say or what you believe.
Commitment has held my marriage together in times of serious trouble. Mike and I have survived some storms that have ripped other marriages apart. There were times that I could have left. I probably should have left, but remember, I am not a quitter. Whether it was fear of the shame that I would feel or the title of "failure" that caused me to stick it out, either way, I made the decision to stay. The other part of that was the desire to "beat" whatever obstacle was in my way and be THE WINNER! On top of that, I made the commitment to God and my family that this was my marriage for life. That meant something to me. At times it took more than I felt I had to continue, but that desire to "stick" was stronger than the urge to quit. (Do not for one second think I am coming down hard on those who have left marriages for good reason. Sometimes we MUST do what is best for us and our family. That is not my point here, so please don't take it that way.....I am just speaking of MY journey.) I am thankful every day that I held on and didn't give up. I think back to the worst days, the darkest moments and wonder how I made it through, but I see what God has done with those many prayers I prayed at that time. He was faithful. He brought our marriage back and in the process brought Mike and I closer to Him.
Recently I was asked what keeps me where I am with the many struggles and heartaches that we have faced within our church family. I have been, as many others, hurt and struggling through the many emotions over the past 3 years. I have lost many loved ones through death and through church splits. Many friendships have been strained and many feelings hurt. I will confess that I have had anger and resentment towards those who left and those who seemed to wrong us. I have also continued to forgive daily and move toward a closer relationship with God. I know my views and my beliefs come from a long history and past with my church. I am a born and raised product of the same church I call home today. However, I see things in my unique and somewhat quirky way. So, to say the least, I don't fit the "typical" mold of those within my faith. That is where the question came from.....why do I stay when I don't always see things the same way and when things don't go the way I feel or believe they should go. The simple answer is....commitment. Yea, it is probably part of my stubborn pride too. I have said it many times....this is MY home and MY church family and MY roots, but the truth is, I feel I owe my faith in an awesome God to the foundations I learned here. I have a commitment and a responsibility to pass on and help others here at home find what God has continued to show and teach me. Giving up on my church family is just not an option. It is not any more an option than giving up on my marriage was. We are not quitters.....not us, definitely not me!
Our society has taught us that we can just throw away, discard, or maybe trade "up" whenever we feel like it. If we get uncomfortable, get our feelings hurt, things get too hard, all we have to do is go find someone else or something else to make us feel better instead of fixing whatever is broken. How sad! We want the newest makes and models. We want to do something different and more exciting because we are bored or tired of where we are or with what we are doing. We don't get our ways or our feelings get hurt, and we tuck tail and run. It is when we dig in our heels and stand firm to our commitments in our faith and to our family of faith that we can make a difference. It is in those hard times and times of trials that we learn who we are and what God intends for us to be. There are blessings in the hard times and when we bail out at the first sign of trouble, we miss those blessings and those lessons intended for our growth in the faith.
Maybe it is my Irish or Scottish or whatever blood I have that makes me get so up in arms, but come on.....we have to commit to something. I believe if you don't have a commitment first to God and live according to His ways, you will fall for anything.
"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, and justice of your cause like the noonday sun." Psalm 37:5-6
"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3
"So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good." I Peter 4:19
"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, and justice of your cause like the noonday sun." Psalm 37:5-6
"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3
"So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good." I Peter 4:19
4 comments:
Thanks Denise,
As badly as I feel right now I've said so many times over the last few months that I want to just leave and start over. I'm so tired of hurting and being hurt. I'm sick of seeing people I love hurt in many different situations.
My gut response is to run away and hide. Hide from life. But that is really impossible as my mom so wisely pointed out. Short of dying (and believe me I've thought of that choice) we have to be committed to something and someone. The things we are all experiencing are just a part of life, not the way God intended but all the same it is what we have. Being committed to God means being committed to his people no matter what just like our marriages.
During times like this I go back and look over my life and remember how God has seen us through each circumstance. It gives me hope that we will survive. My mom told me yesterday that daddy has always said this church is the most resilient group he has ever known.
If we stay committed to God and to each other in love Satan can't get a foothold. However, in church I may cry for awhile. My tears are for so many and some for myself but they will come. So if folks can accept my tears and grief then I'll be there. You can count me in!
If we can't cry in church, then where can we cry? If we are really there to worship and come in to the presence of God, then I'm sure tears are perfectly normal and acceptable! Remember that Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted. That would include us. We must be a place of real devotion, real emotion and real faith for us to ever be able to reach out to others again. We are a resilient family of faith and as long as we continue to trust God and honor Him with our lives, then He will see us through.
Thanks for commenting, Kerrie. I am there with you, it would be easier and less painful at times to just stay home in my safe zone, but then what purpose would I be serving? We will get through the valley again and find our way back in to the "son"light. Hang in there with me....Hugs...Denise
Count me in, too. Russell said it all this morning, "It's all about children & adults must become as children". We are to be as innocent children in our trust & the way we embrace one another in the Love of God. Children can almost come to blows in one breath but in the next instant be the best of friends. Forgiveness comes quickly for them as it should for us.
"Whoever then humbles himself as a child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matt. 18:4
Luke 16:10 says that "He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much".
He has given us much in which to be faithful. His promises are great. God is good all the time, all the time God is good.
Thank you, my sisters, for your faithfulness.
I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all, in view of your participation in the gospel from the first day until now." Phil.1:3-5
Keep the Faith
Denise,
You are absolutely right. Commitment is difficult sometimes but God is faithful and He will see us through the difficult times. I continue to pray for your church family. Hang in there and God will bring the results.
Love you, Connie
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