This has been a week....and it is only Tuesday!!!! School started which is always an eventful occasion. It has been good so far...I'm behind already I think, but oh well, I'll make up for it. I just have to find my GROOVE again! LOL....
Seriously though, it has been a hard week. Saturday morning I got a text from my mom telling me that a long time friend's dad died. Then on Sunday morning the news came of one of our 8th graders that had died from a drug overdose. It has been a hard week...and yes, it is only Tuesday.
The loss of my friend's dad hit all of us hard. When I read my mom's text, I gasped out loud! It literally stopped me in my tracks. I couldn't believe it! I have not seen this man in years, but I have many fond memories of times spent with him and his family. I also have many hurt feelings towards this man, for the way he tore his family apart and left them as well as many of us battered and bruised.
As I talked to Mom and we thought of our long ago friends, both of us were saddened both by his death and the way he ended his life. He had been one of those teachers at church that I loved listening too. He had a zest for life. He was fun and always had the best of everything. From the outside, this was the perfect family! Perfect house...perfect cars....perfect clothes....just perfect.... However, truth was, they were far from perfect.
I remember hearing that he was having an affair. I couldn't believe it. I had sat in his class as newly wed and listened to scripture after scripture against adultery and divorce and yet now he was the one caught in that snare. I can only imagine how his family felt because I was angry myself...and hurt...and disgusted! Needless to say, it tore his family apart. His wife, his son, his daughter....all were caught in the storm that followed.
I had lost track of my friends after the divorce. It has been 21 years or so since I had last seen the dad. It was at his son's wedding. I haven't seen his daughter since probably high school. I have seen his ex-wife on several occasions and have watched her put her life back together. Unfortunately, not all of them have been able to do it.
I talked to the son of this man this week. Funny, we use to be great friends, we grew up together and spent almost every spring break with each other's family. Ski buddies, friends, co-workers (when he worked for my daddy) and so on....I hadn't seen him since his wedding. I can't believe it has been that long ago. But talking to him this week, I have seen the broken, damaged shell of who he once was. It breaks my heart. But even sadder were the words spoken against his father.... When asked about a memorial service, his children asked "Seriously, who would come?"
I pray that his father found some peace and forgiveness before he died. However, his children are left with regrets and anger and grief they don't know how to deal with. The image of him in his nursing home bed alone at the end of his life with no one to comfort him, just tears my heart apart. As awful as he was in the end to his family and friends, how horrible it must have been for him to be all alone. Even more sad is the pain of regret and grief that I listened to in his son's voice. Just such brokenness.....
Then came the death of an 8th grader....also the son of a friend from high school. He was one year older than Chelsea and was out at a party doing drugs! At the most he was 14...but probably still only 13. How can this kind of thing happen to a child? It makes me angry too. Some people immediately blame his parents, but from what I understand, he had lied to both of them about where he would be. There are just no answers when a child dies....even of his own doing. This is the second child in this class to die. One to suicide and now one to drugs.....
One of my favorite songs right now talks about telling those you love that you love them....time is short. Don't waste another minute on anger, regret, resentment, bitterness.....I promise you, when the day comes that you can no long make something right, it will rip through your heart and leave more than just grief. Say it...make a point to forgive and live a life void of regrets. Tomorrow is not a promise....just ask my friends. They would give anything to have one more day...or one more minute with the ones they lost.....now, it is too late.
1 comment:
Wow. I can't imagine the heartache you have felt this week, and it is now only Wednesday. A similar thing happened to my best friend from Jr High. I always thought they had the perfect marriage and family, and her house was my second home as a teenager. Then when my friend was a senior in high school, her dad had an affair, and divorced to end up marrying the woman. I was floored. I remember thinking that if my friend's parents couldn't make it, what hope did I have. Your friend's dad's death is very sad, and so sad his family remained shattered.
The child, because even at 13 or 14 they are still a child, is such a tragedy. I can't even imagine how horrible that must be to deal with for the community and school, let alone his parents. I would have to say losing one of my kids is probably my biggest fear in life. I've lost my mom - I know they can both survive me going first. I'm not sure I can survive one of them going first.
The regrets are the worst. I lost another close friend from high school a couple of years ago. She was going through a nasty divorce, and killed herself, perhaps unintentionally, by drinking way too much one day. She was from here, and it happened almost a year after I moved back here. From the time I moved back I kept thinking to call her, she'd moved to KY, and see when she'd be back for a visit. I never did. Then, it was too late. Regrets are the worst part of life sometimes. And you're absolutely right - if there is anyone that a person is angry with, or has distanced themself from, I've always said they need to consider what if. What if that person was gone, in the blink of an eye, as life so often happens. Can you live with it, with knowing things could've been different?
These are the things that cause the fissures on our hearts, and imperfect hearts are much better than pristine ones that have never known love, or loss. I will keep both families, and yours, in my prayers.
Much love, my friend.
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