At the crossroads.....

Remember Tom Hanks in the movie Castaway where at the end he has to decide which way to go? He stands at an intersection, looking at a map and then takes a chance and follows where his heart leads. I feel that my child is the one standing in an intersection and now has to choose which way to go...and the rest of her life depends on this moment and choice!

How did we get here? How can one way be better than another? Is there a right way or a wrong way? Is there a predetermined path or is it all just left up to chance?

Life has been a roller coaster ride this summer for my baby. She has trusted and been hurt. She has opened her heart to only feel pain she didn't know she could feel. She has taken a chance and headed down a road which now ends at this crossroad. So how does she choose which way to go? The paths are not clear. There is only so far down the road that she can see. Some of the way on each road is very clear but then there are the places out of sight and very unknown. Those are the places that this decision will most effect.

The other night a friend asked me if I could go back in time what event would I change and why. At first I thought I would not change a thing because it led me to where I am today, but then after thinking about it for a while, I realized that I took the longer road to get to this place. Maybe it was even an unnecessary side trip and that if I had chosen differently then I would still be able to be here today but without the pain and maybe even sooner than now. I don't know if that is right or not. I know that I have never taken the easy way to anything. I always stood up to a challenge and just knew I could do the impossible even when everyone said it couldn't be done, or shouldn't be done the way I wanted to do it. I know there was an easier way....I know I chose the harder road, but I also know that road gave me strength, insight and knowledge that I would never have had otherwise.

But just for a minute I want to imagine my world if at my crossroad I would have turned right instead of left. What if I had gone off to college right out of high school....ACU or Harding were my destinations. Would I have become a teacher? Would I have still married my hubby? Would my girls still be born at the same time they were born? Would life have taken me to other places and people? Would I have dedicated my life to ministry and traveled the mission fields? Would I have married a minister? What if I had stayed in my bubble of safe Christian places and never ventured in to the world and its offerings? Who would I have become?

Another question haunts me more....who would Mike have become? I'm not being prideful and I know my faults throughout this journey, but Mike has said many times that without me being in his life he would have destroyed himself. I hate to say it, but he really might have. He tried to even during our marriage at times. I hate to think of what would have happened to him if he had not come to know Christ....and he had no leading to Christ until he and I started dating. But then again, what if there was another plan to get him to Christ if I didn't intersect his life?

The should-ofs, could-ofs, and would-ofs can drive you crazy. They do me. I also know I can't focus on if I had done things different. I have to live the life I have chosen. But that's me.....my child has not chosen yet and is standing in the center of the intersection trying to decide which path to follow. Does she continue straight ahead with the college she is in and the major she has chosen and the young man who has made her begin to trust again....OR....does she look at how much she has loved ministering to teens this summer and change her path to seek more ways to minister to others and possibly a young man who will make his life a life of serving and teaching Christ to others? If she changes course, will the other young man ever find a true relationship with Christ? Right now he is willing to learn and let her lead him on this path, but if she chooses a different direction what will that mean for him? Then again, is it her purpose to lead him or to just plant the seed. Maybe the Christian young man who has spent his summer also ministering to teens and who may actually follow in his mentors' footsteps and choose ministry as his life is who she is suppose to be with. Wouldn't that be easier? Wouldn't life be better for her if she followed this road instead?

I know I have given lots of questions that really do not have answers. My heart and my head don't agree and don't know how to help her decide. Prayer is all I have and all I can offer her at this time. I can see this time as the point where she decides what life she will live. It is exciting and frightening for me so I can only imagine how she feels. To say I am praying is an understatement. I have prayed for years for the young man that God has for her. I have often prayed for young men that she has dated to be quickly removed from her life if they are not good for her and if they are not the ONE for her to invest her heart in the relationship. I have prayed for the young man and his family that will one day become part of her life and our lives. I have asked that his heart be deeply in love with God just as she is and that she would not struggle through some of the battles that I did. So now, I pray it again. I pray that God will make her path clear for her. I know He has plans for her....plans to prosper her and not to harm her. Every day I am having to make the choice to give her future to His control and trust that He knows which path she is to take and that God will be with her as she chooses it and will walk beside her as she walks it out.......

I've always believed she would marry a minister and be involved with youth ministry. But I also know she is a rescuer, like her mom, and sees the good in people who don't yet know Christ. I can't tell her that it is wrong to date a non-Christian, because she may be the one to lead them to Christ. I can't tell her to choose the easier path either....

And so.....I pray......