I am going to warn all that read this up front, that this is a ramble or maybe better called a rant..... and probably not anything you want to read. However, if you do....beware.....I'm in a mood!
How do you argue? How do you stand up and speak your mind and not care about what others think? How? I wish someone would tell me. I have had my feelings hurt.....SURPRISE SURPRISE right? Those that know me KNOW that is not a surprise. My mercy makes me also an emotional person. Some people say it is because I am an October birthday. That is probably true. We are a strange bunch. Very loyal, opinionated, sensitive and the type that NEVER forget an offense. I might forgive it, but it takes me forever to forget it. So, this may be a bit hard for me.
I don't like to argue....back to the original problem....... It is just that I feel like a person I care about chose me to be harsh with instead of hearing my thoughts and opinions on an issue. It is probably because we don't really see things eye-to-eye, but that is to be expected. Not all people see things the same. I have always been one that looks at how things affect the whole picture not just the here and now picture. So, I usually find someone to disagree with. I don't look to disagree, I just have strong opinions and a strong sense of what is right and wrong and changing my mind about something takes time. It also takes lots of evidence to prove to me why things should be viewed in another way.
So, am I being hard to deal with. Probably. I can admit that, but I don't understand why others' opinions can be considered and even responded to appropriately, but mine seems to be harshly critisized. Is it because I was viewed as totally off base, or was it the friend factor? Maybe it was that I am emotionally involved and wear my feelings on my shoulder. I don't know, but I know it hurt and now I feel CONFLICT with this person. I hate conflict. I don't like feeling someone is mad at me or upset with me or thinks I am being unfair or unjust. Yes, I know that is the people-pleaser in me and my desire to CONTROL the people and things around me, but beside that point, what do I do about conflict? I hate it. I don't do confrontation well. Constructive love works when the person knows what I am doing.....Roadies......but with others, they just look at it as me being confrontational. It makes me want to run, hide, and never share my thoughts or opinions again.
That's a whole other issue. I hate when people THINK they know about something like Roads and making judgements without even knowing what they are talking about. For example, you know when you mention this great program that shares God's love with others and because it is not something that they know every detail about, they automatically discredit it. Can they not see the changes in lives that the program has helped bring about? No, instead they shrug their shoulders, roll their eyes, and look at you as if you have gone off the deep end and tried one of those "weird" things instead of staying normal like everyone else. Well, I'm tired of normal.
UGH.....I told you I am in a mood. I am so tired of people thinking they have all the answers. Are the rest of us dummies? Do we not have opinions and knowledge about life, love, familiy and God? I feel that I have navigated this life pretty well. I have a marriage of over 21 years. I have 3 healthy, happy, Christian daughters who do well in school, are not in trouble, and one is even getting married soon. No major problems within our little family. That is not by my doing but by our relationship with God and how He has been a major part of our family all these years. I would say that gives me a bit of knowledge on what works and what doesn't.
I hate conflict. I don't know how to work out these feelings I am having without saying something to this other person, but the peace maker or keeper, which ever one is not the best to be (one helps bring about peace by doing what is right and the other keeps peace by not stirring the pot), is telling me to stuff it and keep it in and let it go and it will blow over. Sure it will, but I will still have this little scar in my heart from a friend who didn't listen and criticized unjustly.
I feel another brick in the wall going up........How wide, how deep, how tall this wall may be......I worked so hard to tear it down, and now I feel it being rebuilt.
Constructive LOVE anyone??????
5 comments:
Denise,
Oh my do I so relate to what you are saying. You could have written much of this and inserted my name all over the place. Not sure if that helps you feel any better. I feel for you and am glad I stopped by to read. I wish I had advice because I need it myself:) State your opinion then worry for days about conflict, what people think, wish you could start over etc.
The last time I had some hurt feelings it went on for several months and I finally went to the person and told them the ugly details. Of course I was apologizing for my stinky attitude but it did help me. I'm not sure how the other party viewed things because they didn't respond much. I really don't think they even knew I was upset and probably didn't care either. However the goal was that I'd feel better about myself and hopefully stop the attitude I had. It just eats at you if you don't do something with it. Anyway. Go to them, its scriptural and it will make you quite having imaginary conversations with them! Maybe you will have better luck than me and even have them say they are sorry for your pain. Good luck!
Kerrie,
Thank you for your words. I am beginning to see some very strong similarities between us. Truth is, the person probably doesn't really even feel the hurt like I do, nor do they understand it, but thankfully we have talked a little about it. I am still hurt and still feel conflict and I still want to state MORE of my opinions, but I am gun shy now. I am afraid of being teamed up against and people not understanding what I am saying. So, I don't know what to do now. I am praying about it.
Thank you for listening and most of all for understanding. Hugs...d
D,
I feel that you know what to do. You have the tools, you are just not using them. You know I love you and that's why I ask you this . . . Do you really want that wall again. I know how hard you worked to tear it down, do you really want it back???
Hugs, Jenn
Jen,
No, I don't want that wall back. Tearing it down was VERY hard. Thank you for your words. I am working to continue being real and not hiding. Love ya girlie....d
When I read this I totally understood. I have a friend that we fight more like sisters. I have been wanting to talk to her for 2 weeks now about our friendship and how I feel it is all one sided, but it's hard. I know I am hurt and have trouble trusting people in general, but I also know it is better to talk about it and work things out. If we don't talk to each other and communicate, we never truly know what the other person is thinking, and without that nothing can be resolved. I am with you on the hurt too darling. There are nights I just lay and cry and pray and have to let God have my feelings for the evening because they are too much to bare myself.
Don't build a wall back up. You are amazing denise.
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