Well, I had not intended to sign up for another journal/blog account, but to post a message to another one, it seemed I had to sign up. I have needed a new avenue for writing so I will try this one for a while.

I am extremely tired today. I spent the weekend at the Women of Faith conference and basically had a slumber party with my sister-in-law and one of my best friends on Friday night of the conference. After the conference ended, Mike and I headed up to Roads for "stretch" and enjoyed some more time of praising God and watching lives change. I know I didn't spend a lot of time working with this group, but it looked like God had really changed lives once again in this ministry. I really wish more people understood what The Road was all about. So many of my family/church family/friends don't understand and it is hard to explain to them what it is and why I am so passionate about it without telling them what it is all about. I just keep praying that God will send them to the Road and then they will understand. Anyway, when Danny asked the group about who had found Christ for the first time or had their relationship renewed or strengthened, almost every hand was in the air. It was amazing.

I have learned that there is so much more to God than I could have EVER imagined. God is so big and so awesome and so mighty and holy that my mind can not conceive of His greatness. Yes, at one time I thought I had this God thing all figured out, but boy I was wrong. God just keeps revealing His presence and power in my life and the lives around me. He keeps showing me that there is so much more than just being at worship and doing the church thing. God is so much more than that and works in so many more ways. I am just overwhelmed.

I have had a few attacks lately. I hate it when one gets to me and the last couple have gotten to me before I realized what they were and turned it over to Jesus. The main one has been about Mike. I see him growing and wanting to serve God and as soon as he found something that he wanted to do to serve and reach out to other men, it was taken from him. I am sure it was a miscommunication but the result was the same, Mike was hurt in the process. Thankfully, Mike is so much stronger in his faith now that he could stand up and call it what it was and move on. My fear was that it would make him withdraw and become bitter again. It did not and for that I am so pleased. I was talking to Clayton on Saturday about life in general and teasing about Mike being a slave driver now when it comes to church. He is always making me get up earlier than I want to get ready for services because he wants to be early and not miss a minute. Such a change from just 2 years ago, but in this conversation, Clayton hugged me and said, "Girl, you have been so blessed as has your family. Look at Mike and what a great man of God he has become!" I can't tell you how that touched me and how true that statement was. I am truly blessed and God is to be praised for all that has changed in our lives.

The other attack was on me and my desire to write. Writing was not my desire in the beginning and it still gives out too much of me for my own good. I listened to Nicole Nordeman talked about being an introvert and her thoughts and ideas processing out into music in the late hours of night (12-3 a.m.) and realized that is how I am. I guess I knew it, but it was refreshing to hear someone else say what I feel about writing and that alone quiet time with God. Anyhow, writing is a passion for me now and one way I try to use the thoughts and ideas that God sends my way is in the newsletter for church. This week, I thought that avenue of service and yes, self-expression, was going away. It truly upset me for a while. I really felt betrayed by the new leadership of the ladies ministry and felt very unappreciated. I never thought of it as an attack until I realized I was thinking about me and not about God. I was looking at it as this is being done to ME. This is MY newsletter. This is MY baby. Not so. It is God's and when I realized the pride and selfishness in my thinking, I quickly gave it back to Him. If the newsletter is not His will for me, then I will use what He gives me elsewhere. It is for Him and not for me. It is not about having my name in that paper.....which I was sort of accused of wanting today. It really has never been about me, but when I decided to take on this project, I gave it my all and it hurt to know that the ones in charge had not even given the first issue a thought. Neither one of them even knew about the first issue and it had been given out in May and announced for several weeks. But, that is water under the bridge.....

Things are better today. Mike and I are both trying to find our place in a church home that seems to have changed greatly in a very short time. Change is exciting, but change is also hard. Change can make some people happy and some others very angry. Change is happening and we are having to find our way through it all. We have ID cards, background checks on workers in children's ministry, new associate minister, new leaders in each ministry, new everything, it feels like. Change can be good, but it is very hard. I have never been one for change. I will have to really wrap my feelings in prayer during this time.

I am really trying to figure out this discernment gift I seem to have. I have prayed for greater discernment and what I am finding is that I have had it all along and I am now learning how to recognize it. Just knowing things is hard. It is difficult to explain the feelings that I have about people or things or events. I think I am open minded enough to not prejudge on just looks or first impressions, but sometimes the feelings are too strong to ignore.

There are several gifts that seem to be becoming more prominent than just my mercy and exhortation. I am looking at each of them as a way to serve God better and to be the person He desires me to be. It is just all the changes that get in the way..........