Hello 2012........

2012........I can not imagine what all this new year has in store for our family. 2011 was a full year....so full that I didn't write but once!!!! I truly have missed my one-on-one time with my computer and my blog. As those who have shared some of this writing adventure with me know, this is my release. This is where I have gotten some of the cobwebs out of my head and on to "paper"..aka...computer screen. This is what has helped me process through difficult days and not have to just keep it all to myself. So I am promising myself that I will write in 2012. I need it. It is part of me. But even as I type right now, my left arm/shoulder/neck are starting to stiffen. The struggles with my neck have really hindered my ability to type like I use to, but I dare to move forward.


Let me recap 2011.....Our precious grandbaby, Halee, was born in May....and then my GrandMary died a month later in June. In November, Mike and I celebrated 25 years of marriage with a week long trip to Nashville. These key events truly mark 2011 as a year to remember. Other events that changed our lives this past year were....Steppingstones Ministries first Encounter weekends in January, Dustin's homecoming for R&R in June and his departure for Afghanistan in July, Tara and Dustin's relationship being redefined from friends to dating, our girlfriends' trip to Destin for a week at the beach, SCHOOL starting back again for what I would call the hardest most stressful year I've had in a long time, and saying good-bye to my dear friend/sister, Tana, as she moved to New York.

2011 was a year of ups and downs. It was a year that redefined who I am in many ways. My favorite NEW identity is NENE! Being a grandmother is the absolute best thing in the world. I get it now! Watching your child become a parent and bless you with a baby to love and snuggle and play with is just the best thing ever. Having Halee in our lives has helped me have a new perspective on who I am called to be and who I have been trying to be. I've come to a place where what is important to me outweighs what is expected of me. Life has become too short in my mind for me to waste on anything but being who I am created to be. Who is that...you may ask....well, that is still changing daily. And yet, maybe it is not changing at all, but I am embracing who I am and not trying to be anything more. I don't know yet!

2011 has shown me a lot about friendships. We have watched friends move away to follow their dream and calling to plant a church. We have watched friends walk away for reasons we still don't understand. We have seen anger in friends that we can't make any better. We have watched friendships be strained to the point of breaking but manage to survive. We have helped pack friends to move across the country. We've even found some new friendships along the way that have helped fill in the gaps for those we've lost. I have mourned the loss of some friendships and miss the days where life was different, but I am forever thankful for those few friendships that have weathered all the storms and have hung in there with us. I'm especially thankful for the few that I know, no matter what..when..where, they will be there.

2011 has brought up questions about my career for me. I have never been more unhappy with my profession as I have been this year. I LOVE the people I work with and my campus could not be better, but it is the atmosphere and the lack of respect I feel as a PROFESSIONAL EDUCATOR that resonates deep within my soul. The feeling of "not being good enough" or needing to be "JUST LIKE" every other teacher has been pressed down on us so hard that we are all stifled. I've cried more this year as a teacher (with over 16 years experience) than I did my first 5 years of teaching. The stress has been unreal and the strain it has put on our campus, my health, friendships, and frankly my sanity, is just not okay. This I do know....I AM A GOOD TEACHER! I just don't know that our educational system wants good teachers any more. It feels that they want robots that teach exactly the same no matter what the kids need or what our personal style might be. I don't see me staying in public education for much longer. I hate that. I love kids. I love making a difference, but at this point, I can't put my health at risk because of people who no longer work in the classroom....or never have been a classroom teacher....deciding how I should say every single word in my class.....more pressure....for less pay.....and higher insurance......and zero respect. I'm giving myself 4 more years......tops.....that gets my baby girl out of high school and I can explore other options.

2011 was not the best year for me.....there were some great things that happened this past year, Halee being one of the key happy moments, but overall, it was a hard year. I'm honestly glad the year is over and gone. I'm thankful for the lessons we have learned over this past year. I am thankful for the people who are in our lives and continue to prove daily that they are true friends and love us warts and all.

So....2012....I'm ready for you! I'm ready for NEW! I'm ready for fresh and new and a year of exciting changes. I know there are still hurdles ahead, but I know who I can depend on to help me through them. I am looking forward to taking my life back. To redefining me some more. Time to make some hard changes that will allow me to be me......I still believe that learning to say NO is the best thing I can do. I am not going to do out of obligation any more.....I will do what I am called to do...led to do....by God alone and not guilted to do by those who THINK they know me. It may rock some friendships, but you know....if they are true friends they will stand by me. I'm tired of being second fiddle to everyone else and not counting. My message from God app said this last night.... "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Well....I don't consent any more. I'm tired of being the "good listener" and the "counselor" for friends who are never there for me when I need someone to listen. My problems/issues may not be earth shattering like theirs but to me they are hard issues and more than once in 2011 I learned that they are not there for me.

2012.....I will write/blog more. I will say "no" to when I don't really want to do something. I will be true to the me I was created to be. I will find a new passion for my life and actively seek after it. I will be me....the me I'm created to be. The girl who cries too easy....listens and cares....loves her family right under God....the girl who doesn't have to be like everyone else to be okay.....the girl who can stand alone in a crowd and feel confident in her decisions....the girl that wants joy and happiness and beauty in her life and will not settle for less than that....