Masquerade

Have you ever thought about what masks people live behind? What masks you live behind? Do we ever really know people? Do we let people ever really know us? Truth is....and my accountability group with bust me on this if they read it....the answer is NO! No one really knows me....I feel that no one can ever see things just like I see them....they won't hear things the same way I do....they won't process meanings or feelings like I would....no one can ever really know how I feel or think like I think because no one has ever walked the same path I have walked.....We are each made to walk a unique path and that means that only God knows where we have been and where we will end up!

There are just some places in my heart that no one gets....no one understands, and frankly that I have kept hidden, even from those closest to me.

Sometimes I wonder what life would be if I didn't have the masks....would I be happier? Would life be easier? More peaceful? Would my friends still be my friends? Would my family disown me? Could my hubby handle me being totally real without keeping anything in? Who would I be?

I don't know the answer....I've never allowed myself to just be me, to find what makes me happy and peaceful. I've never let myself put myself first. I let those spotlight seekers stand in the front and grab all of it. I let those who have more serious problems rattle on and on and I listen, but never share my hurts, because to me, mine are not important to anyone but me. I sit quietly to the side and listen, watch and evaluate. Hopefully I'm not judging....I try not to, but I am usually evaluating myself more than them. I smile and pretend all is okay....I only speak what seems to be okay for the moment and I leave empty and hollow still. I don't think people would even care if I shared those core things of me. I'm uninteresting and plain and shallow and totally tired of the masks. But then I have to remind myself, that I am not the only one wearing masks.....