When does enough become enough? When are you allowed to just quit? When does it mean that you have gone as far as you can go? How long do you have to keep going before you just finally stop?
I've asked myself these questions a lot tonight. I have wondered how long I must continue being the one to give in and let things go. When do I just stop being the doormat and start taking care of myself? How many times do I let things go and just forgive and move on? How many times do we sweep stuff under the rug and leave words unspoken?
I am so tired of being the nice one. The one who does the right thing. The one who never gets angry or hurt or wounded....and when I do I am wrong in doing that as well. Must I always be strong? Must I always be gentle? Must I always be perfect?
I am frustrated. I don't understand why some people are allowed to speak whatever is on their mind....no matter how hurtful....and then never pay for the hurt they inflict on others. How many times do I put myself in a position to be the one hurt? How many times do I hold my chin up, smile, and pretend that everything is okay? And then, once I do, I am criticized for not seeming breakable! Broken and beaten is more how I feel. Rejected and abused. Taken for granted and over-looked. All to keep up the pretense of everything being okay.
Those of us who are introverted, sensing, feeling, don't always share so openly our feelings or make known our hurts. We don't attack others verbally or in writing when we feel injustice. We take everything to heart. We store it up and think on it often. It's not that we won't forgive....forgive is easy. Forgetting is impossible. Those words and hurts become a part of us and make us withdraw more in to ourselves. Just because we are reserved does not me we are judging or cold. We are protecting ourselves the only way we know how.
Friendships should be more tenderly handled. Words should be more gently used. Feelings should be considered. And eventually when all else fails, boundaries should be set that keep future hurts from being received.
Ephesians 4:32....Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another....even as God for Christ sake has forgiven you.
2 comments:
As I was walking this morning I found myself fretting/anxious about some things and staring at the road in front of me. My head was obviously down. After several minutes of this I heard His Spirit say "look up!". What I saw in the skies above reminded me of who I belonged to. It almost overwhelmed me as I had a brief glimpse of his majesty, power and strenth. What a perspective shift I had!
No matter what others do or say, He sees you, knows your heart, loves you intimately and as a friend reminded me recently, He whispers, "All is well".
Praying that you rest and know that regardless of the injustices you see/experience, the Father sees too. May you "look up!", see his glory and hear his sweet voice say "all is well".
I needed this D - it is so very true. You are such a sweet spirit and I am blessed by your thoughts and words.
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