My battle plan....

This has been one of those months. I knew when the calendar turned to April that my life would become a whirlwind, but I had no idea what all that would include. Each weekend in this month has involved me being out of town. Not being able to veg out on my couch and catch up on sleep after a week of work is harmful to my health! I am one of those girls that needs some down time and I have not had any in a month.

Before you think I am just going to complain, I want you to know this has been a very rewarding month too, despite my over active schedule. I was blessed to train in The Road seminar in Tyler two of the weekends. I watched my baby girl perform at LTC in puppets and drama another weekend and then last weekend, Tara and I made a trip out to Abilene to register her for college in the fall. It has been a blessed month in a lot of ways, but it still has left my mind and body exhausted.

Along with this exhaustion has come some attacks on my spiritual well being. I know when I go in to the battle of training at Roads, that I need to be prayed up and confessed up. I also know that when we go in to seminar with the purpose of sharing Christ and helping others find freedom from their pasts we paint a big red target on our lives. That has been true again this month. It has been stronger and harder than I ever remember it being.

It started before seminar began....towards the end of March. A direct attack on my self esteem has lingered all month because I have not been able to relax, think, write or process out the feelings I have had. I have found myself becoming fearful and not trusting. I have begun to be suspicious of secrets and lies. I have become angry and have not known where that anger was coming from. I have had to look at this part of my life again and work on walking through it to gain any part of my esteem back.

I am super blessed to have my hubby and friends there for me when I have been struggling. It is almost a night and day change today from yesterday. I know their prayers have made a major impact on my mind. Those scriptures on taking "every thought captive" have become my battle plan. I also am going to practice being still and knowing God this weekend. My Bible has to be beside me right now. In my weakness I am looking for His strength. I am battle weary and my armor needs some polishing.

In all of this I have wanted to run and hide. Withdraw from society and isolate myself. It had always worked for me in the past. Hide in my hole and not come out until absolutely necessary. But this time, I am just taking a little rest, but still reaching out. No hiding for me. I know that my enemy would love for me to feel isolated and unloved. I know he would feed my insecurities and destroy my trust. I know that I would find myself alone because I would have pushed everyone away. Not this time....I am hanging on to my support group, my girls who hold me accountable and my family who have watched this battle before and have stood by me each time.

Time to rest....time to refuel....time to fight back and get strong again. Time to be still and listen and remember who I am to Him. Time for me.....