So, today marked a new day for me. After days of hurting I finally agreed to go to the doctor to make my family happy. I was pretty much guilted in to going. I had decided I was just having a bout of stomach bug again and that it would all go away, but to keep my crew happy, I went. I was set that the worse case scenario would mean possibly appendicitis. Or best case, a bad bout with gas. Neither was the case. I really wasn't prepared for the results. It was the last thing I even considered. Fibroid tumors. I have at least 3 on/in my uterus. Good news is that it is pretty common. Since mine are causing me pain it means I will be having surgery. The great HYSTERECTOMY! I just love being 40.
I am a bit nervous. I've never had surgery. Three babies, but no other surgeries/hospitalizations. I am really not looking forward to this and I am not trying to think about it much. I don't want to over think it or even plan anything beyond today. If I do I will not be able to continue moving forward. There is that part of me that wants to really think about this and consider all the possibilities, but I can't. I really can't.
How am I feeling? Shocked, nervous, a bit scared, and still in pain. I am ready to feel better but not go through this. I keep hearing it is going to be the best thing I've ever done, but right now I don't want to do it.
Today was a shocker and even though it is not the worst thing in the world, it is still something. Something I am not ready for. Something I didn't ask for. Something I want to go away and not have to do. Why couldn't it have just been a bug? I would have settled for a bad case of gas! LOL! I didn't want to find this or ever have to face this. Right now I want to throw a fit and be mad and then again, I know it is not really a big bad thing. But it is my thing. Good bad and ugly...it is my thing to deal with.
Enough of my pity party ramble. I would love any prayers you feel like sending up. I need them for courage. I need them for healing. I want it to be an easy thing. I want the next sonogram to show things are not as bad as they appeared. I want the tumors to shrink on their own. I want the removal to be simple and not complicated. I don't want to watch my girls worry or my husband be fearful. I want all of this to be gone. Quickly....easily...painlessly....and NOW!
1 comment:
Denise,
I just love you and am so sorry that these "challenges" keep coming up! I am praying for you and will keep it up. I don't understand many things in this life and myself have had way too many pity parties but really its just venting and probably good for us. I know as with everything else your sweet family has dealt with, God will see you through. Just hang on and know you're not alone. I pray for complete healing, for courage, and for supernatural peace to cover you and your family. Hugs from me:)
Kerrie
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