Do you know my story?

You probably don't. Very few do. I found myself last night reliving the past, but without a lot of the pain and hurt. It was odd. I finally felt like my story was "a story" that could and maybe should be told. I know I played the part of someone who had it all together pretty well. In some ways I did. In some ways I have had things good....when you look at the big picture. But as I thought back over the story that has never been told, I realized how far I have come. I also realized life has really come to a place that is good.

I sat in a circle of ladies last night, some younger than me, some older, and listened to the struggles that they are facing. I remember having many of the same struggles. I remember feeling many of the same feelings. I remember the hopelessness I felt at times. How did I get to this place now? Only by God's grace....that is all I can figure out. He has a plan and we are walking it out daily. It has been hard work and many tears have led us to here and now.

So, my story, no it is not for these pages. It is too personal and should only be shared with those who need it. I will tell you that my walk has seen many struggles. My marriage has survived many fires, some that many don't recover from. My faith has been challenged many times and to this day I can not believe where I have been and where I am now. I will be glad to share this story, the one I didn't realize I had. I guess it was just what I thought life was going to be and that it could not help others. I know now that is not true. If my walk can help others, I need to find a way to share it. For now I will use it when God leads me to it. We can call it a testimony or just a story, but until you realize how much you have been delivered from you can not see how big and great our God is. My God became bigger last night as I looked at where I was and where I am now.

The me you may think you know is much deeper than you may realize. I have never been perfect or even aspired to be. I played the role of someone who had "no problems" and convinced many that was true. I am flawed beyond repair and the scars that have healed have made me stronger than I ever thought I could be. I know I am not yet who I am intended to be, but lately I am seeing that there is more that I am to do. I may actually have to take that leap of faith and step out of the boat....once again.....