The Count Down Begins...

Yes, I am counting down the days! They are coming and going quickly and less than 3 weeks from now, my baby girl will be a married woman. I can't even attempt to explain how all this makes me feel. Joy, nervousness, anxiety, sadness, loss, grief, excitement, anger.....all rolled in to one. It is crazy. I'm extremely happy for her and proud of her and at the same time I am extremely sad. I am also angry at all those days I let go by in her youth that we did not make memories to hold on to. I think of the doll houses I didn't buy, the swing sets that were never "upgraded", the little things I didn't take the time to do because life kept rushing past us. Now, those days are gone. She is grown and about to leave home for good. Gone are those opportunities. Sadness again sweeps over me.

I feel like a bundle of crazy emotions. One minute I'm happy the next snapping heads off then crying. Staying busy is the best for me to keep my mind occupied but that is also wearing down my body. I'm not eating right if I remember to eat. You would think I would be loosing weight, but that just doesn't happen. My body wants to be still and my mind does too, but that would allow for me to think and feel and process what is really going on around me and I just don't want to do that. Not yet....after....when I can cry and she won't see me.

She is also starting to break. I've seen more tears from her in the last week than in the last several years. Stress is getting us both. We try to take it a day at a time, but sometimes that is more than we can handle. Minute by minute, hour by hour, that's about as good as we can do.

The things left to do are minimum. Buy the bubbles for the reception. Burn the cds of music. Check the slideshow with the churches programs and make sure it will all run right. Get my dress altered, yea, I'm a little late on that one. Make sure her dress is steamed and wrinkle free.

This is a wonderful time and I am trying to enjoy every second but with all of us at an anxious level of excitement, things are becoming more tense every day.

It will all be fine. She will beautiful. They will be happy. The day will be wonderful. I just have to survive the next 3 weeks. And so, the count down begins....