Ramblings of an overstressed mind....

Yep, that's me.....my brain is really on overload. If you opened this to read some inspirational writing, that is not this one. My brain is truly on overload. I have been laying awake at night with lists and things running races through my head. Even when I do sleep, my dreams are consumed with worries and things that need to be accomplished. It has been that way for days....and nights...for this last several weeks.

With school coming to an end and Ashton's wedding looming on the horizon, I know my days are numbered with activities. I have invitations to mail....if the envelopes ever make it back to us! I have programs to design and print....oh yea, I still have to buy the paper and sticks to turn them in to fans. Then there are the napkins. That has been a joke for months, but I need to find and order napkins. Also, what about the favors for all the people who come to the reception. I still need to work on those. I have many many things left to buy. Flower girl basket, ring bearer's pillow, bubbles and M&M's, roses to decorate the basket, jewelry for Ashton to wear, oh yea, MY DRESS, and then the napkins. I'm sure there is more I am forgetting at this point. We have bridal pics coming up and a new suit to buy for Mike. I know there is more.......I'm sure it will haunt my dreams!

Did I mention that Tara has college classes to sign up for and I need to pay for this summer? And Chelsea will be going away for 2 weeks in summer for her first camp experience? Where is this money coming from???? I don't know, but God will provide. He always does.

Then there is school. Wrapping up each school year is stressful enough, but this year is bringing change with it. I am leaving the partner/team I have known for the unknown. If you know me you know I hate change. I know this is the right call for me and my sanity but the last several days I have been feeling guilty for the wheels I feel I put in motion. Our whole school is changing now. Our teams are all being shifted and rearranged. I may not even be teaching reading....or social studies....or 5th grade! Who knows. To say that stress is high is an understatement. Every day is another chance for things to unwind. Today was kickball tournament, yesterday was the water park. Tomorrow will be the last normal day before the end. My lists of "to do" are growing and every minute needs to be used wisely. I don't know if I need to pack my room or just settle things for the summer.

Keyed up emotions and personalities are clashing and my partner is sure I am to blame. In so many ways I am. However, each day I am reminded why I had to make such a hard choice and move or change. The deal is, I think she is the one being moved and not me. I was willing to be the one to change, but it seems that it will be her.

Then, there is the air conditioner. Yes, my a/c decided to die at our house. Yes we have a new one now, but the money going out seems to be more than coming in. Tonight...our oven died. We were already going to have to replace our roof this summer and now we have these other issues to deal with. At times I just have to laugh. It is evident that my faith has grown because before I would have felt hopeless, but now I just wait to see how God is going to provide.

I have several friends suffering right now. I have those facing loss of loved ones and now a precious friend facing the unknown of possible cancer. I choose not to believe the worst. I choose to believe in God's healing power and I am trusting Him to be with her.

Life is such an adventure and I am slowly learning again to embrace each day and to focus on what I can do in one day. I can't look back or too far ahead, both of those overwhelm me. I can only face today. I just wish my brain would understand that and let me sleep.