A thousand tiny pieces laying on the floor. Each piece a part of something broken. I had handled it with care. I had made sure that it was well taken care of and in its proper place. I protected it and made sure that all who had contact with it knew its value. But now, here it lays.....a thousand tiny pieces.
Have you ever thought of breaking into tiny pieces? Seriously, I mean falling apart. I have. I had a friend today mention she didn't know how I did it....being a mom, planning a wedding, getting another daughter off to prom, teaching, and simply being me. She said I made it look easy. The funny thing is just 2 days ago I told Mike I thought I was going to break from all the stress.
Holding everything together is not easy. I really feel that all it would take is one more crack and I will shatter. There are so many pieces to me. So much that people don't see or know. Yes, there are the mom and wife pieces and they take a big piece of me. Lately they seem to be even more demanding. Planning the wedding, getting prom taken care of, dealing with teachers and grades that are not acceptable, scheduling SATs and searching colleges for admission requirements and application deadlines are just a few of the cracks in this piece. Then there is the house keeping, cleaning, bill paying, and remodeling that must be done. Cooking??? Groceries??? Almost too much for me to handle. One more responsibility at home and I fall apart.
But then there are the other sides to me. The sister and daughter, as well as the granddaughter, aunt, and sister-in-law make up another large piece of me. Then you must add in the teacher, colleague, mentor, team member and committee member. After that you need to see the friend, confidant, cheerleader, and part time counselor/writer that round out other pieces.
How do I manage all these pieces and keep me as a whole person? I find myself totally drained and useless when it comes to keeping it together lately. If I can't find a way to hold together, I fear a thousand pieces of me scattered upon the floor just like those pieces of glass. Each piece delicate and part of a much bigger whole, but also broken and no longer useful.
I keep reciting a scripture that helps me hold together, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." This is the glue holding me together. This is why I have not fallen apart. I know that without making my relationship with God a top priority, I will not be able to continue holding on. When I feel that I am at the end of my rope, I have to take a step back and do what I call "stepping off the planet" for a while and let God have my burdens. Even Christ needed solitude with the Father to pray and to be refilled. What makes me think I don't need the same thing? Pride.....I think I can do it all myself, but the truth is, I am weak and fragile and will break if I don't give in to God's call to "be still and KNOW He is God".
Have you ever thought of breaking into tiny pieces? Seriously, I mean falling apart. I have. I had a friend today mention she didn't know how I did it....being a mom, planning a wedding, getting another daughter off to prom, teaching, and simply being me. She said I made it look easy. The funny thing is just 2 days ago I told Mike I thought I was going to break from all the stress.
Holding everything together is not easy. I really feel that all it would take is one more crack and I will shatter. There are so many pieces to me. So much that people don't see or know. Yes, there are the mom and wife pieces and they take a big piece of me. Lately they seem to be even more demanding. Planning the wedding, getting prom taken care of, dealing with teachers and grades that are not acceptable, scheduling SATs and searching colleges for admission requirements and application deadlines are just a few of the cracks in this piece. Then there is the house keeping, cleaning, bill paying, and remodeling that must be done. Cooking??? Groceries??? Almost too much for me to handle. One more responsibility at home and I fall apart.
But then there are the other sides to me. The sister and daughter, as well as the granddaughter, aunt, and sister-in-law make up another large piece of me. Then you must add in the teacher, colleague, mentor, team member and committee member. After that you need to see the friend, confidant, cheerleader, and part time counselor/writer that round out other pieces.
How do I manage all these pieces and keep me as a whole person? I find myself totally drained and useless when it comes to keeping it together lately. If I can't find a way to hold together, I fear a thousand pieces of me scattered upon the floor just like those pieces of glass. Each piece delicate and part of a much bigger whole, but also broken and no longer useful.
I keep reciting a scripture that helps me hold together, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." This is the glue holding me together. This is why I have not fallen apart. I know that without making my relationship with God a top priority, I will not be able to continue holding on. When I feel that I am at the end of my rope, I have to take a step back and do what I call "stepping off the planet" for a while and let God have my burdens. Even Christ needed solitude with the Father to pray and to be refilled. What makes me think I don't need the same thing? Pride.....I think I can do it all myself, but the truth is, I am weak and fragile and will break if I don't give in to God's call to "be still and KNOW He is God".
2 comments:
Last summer when I had to leave Wayne for myself and the kids safety, had my surgery, then moved to Bellingham to "supposedly" be in the safety of my mothers arms..only to be thrown back to the wild, I bought my sister and I matching bracelets before I left. I have never taken mine off...it is...Proverbs 3:6 In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct my paths.
I know this is the only thing saving me and keeping me safe, is the daily reminder to ALWAYS think of Him first..and somedays are harder than others, but whenever I feel like totally losing it, something happens to calm me down.
You are strong. You are God's daughter.
so so true! Thanks my dear friend. God will carry us through!
love you, Connie
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