This is for my Sisters.....those who are missing their moms, hurting because they didn't have the mom they desired, and for those nursing their mothers back to health. This is also for my mom........thank you for being my mom....through it all...............
Motherhood....what a blessing! And then there are those other days.....I'm sure you know what I mean......those days that you know you are scarring your child for life. You know you are making every mistake possible and are sure your child will end up hating you and seeking counseling for all your blunders.
There is this feeling as a mother that I have of overwhelming duty to protect and make sure my girls turn out "just right." But what does that mean...."just right?" Maybe it is not even a need for them to be "right" but to be capable of surviving and not falling for the schemer's schemes. I want to enable them to be strong, independent women who love God and seek HIS wisdom and guidance through this thing we call life. There is so much that is dangerous and dark and scary about life and I want my girls to be prepared to face whatever will be thrown at them. There is not much I wouldn't do for my girls. Let me explain....
I knew when I first found out I was expecting that Ashton was a girl. No sonogram to determine what "it" would be. I just knew. I started planning then. Picking out furniture and bedding, buying clothes for my little princess, all were parts of the prep work to becoming a mom. I read books and tracked every month of my pregnancy with symptoms and my growing belly. I talked to her, sang to her, prayed for her and cried many tears of joy and pain. I waited with such anticipation for the arrival of our angel. What a day that was! I remember the family gathering for the first grandchild, the first niece, the first in our new family. I also remember that first day, holding my baby girl and singing to her as I rocked her close, smelling that fresh baby smell and marking the memory deep in my heart. I can feel it even today. I also remember the fear of failing her.......failing as a mother and not getting this parenting thing right.
Those blessings of a daughter were revisited two more times with the arrival of Tara and Chelsea. Three daughters, three blessings. LOTS of responsibilities. Many joys....many tears, and more fears than can be numbered. Being a mother is precious to me. I consider it the greatest blessing and the greatest responsibility. It is my mission field first and foremost, but I also know, I have failed many times.
I have yelled when I should have listened. I have been too busy with my own life when they have needed to be close to me. I have been absent, when I should have been present. I have not always done what Jesus would have done. I have not always been the best mom, but I can say I have always loved.
A mother's love is one of the closest loves comparable to God's love....or it should be. There are so many people who have never felt that love. I can only imagine that without that feeling of unconditional love from their mother,s how their image of God must have been. I have never understood how a mother could not look at her child and know that they were precious and given to them as a gift. I KNOW at times it is hard to really like the little creatures that you once thought was so precious, especially in those teen years, but to deny your love to them....that I can not understand.
A mother gives us our sense of security through her hugs and words. So many times I have heard "let the baby cry" but I could never do that. I broke all the rules and rocked my babies to sleep, put them next to me in bed and let them snuggle close to me. I held them more than I laid them down. I wouldn't leave them in nursery at church but kept them near me. I talked to them as if they were really somebody and not just a child to be disciplined. They go where I go, they do what I do, and that means I have to examine my every day walk. My words have to match my actions and vice versa. When I am wrong, and I am a lot, I have to go to them and tell them. I have to be what I expect them to be and do what I expect them to do. As a mom, I have to teach them and train them by example first. It is not an easy job. It is very humbling and often times, I mess it up. Thankfully I serve a merciful God and my children do too!
To those of you who missed having a mom for whatever reason, God can fill in those empty and missing pieces. His love is so much greater and His example is true perfection. He teaches us through His word what true love is. He also shows how to discipline when needed. He always loves, but He is faithful to discipline when necessary. He loves unconditionally and is watching and waiting for you to seek Him for whatever you need.
I am thankful for the example of motherhood that my mom set before me. I know I am not the perfect mom and when I think of those things that I wish had been different in my relationship with my mom, I know she was doing the best she knew how to do. There were things out of her control and things that she would change if she could go back and fix them. Me too! There are those days I would erase from the memories of my girls, but I know God has used each and every event to bring me to where I am today and to bring my girls to where they are......I can't wait to see the moms they will be one day!
If at all possible, hug your mom, tell her you love her and forgive her for her mistakes. Don't take her issues as your issues. Let God heal the hurts and guide you through forgiveness. Learn from the good and the bad and give all the hurt to our Father. He can wipe your tears and mend your broken heart. He will hold you close in the dark of the night and sing His lullaby to your heart. If you missed those opportunities to learn from a godly mother, find a spiritual mom. Ask her for guidance in being a mom to your children. Ask her for a hug. You are not bound to the past nor do you have to be the same as you were taught, you can be so much more.
If you are a mom.....hug your babies. Love them unconditionally. Discipline when necessary but never forget to love. Guide them, teach them, talk to them and most of all LISTEN to them. Be their mom and be THERE. I have had to learn to get over my stuff and my hurts and get it together to be the mom God wants me to be. I don't have it all right, but I know it is the most important job of my life. It is here but a short time and then one day, they are grown, gone and looking back at you trying to know how to do it for themselves. Give them something to grow on......LOVE.
2 comments:
I would the thing I have learned the best with being a mom, is I admit when I am wrong WHEN I am wrong. Kids did not come with instruction books, and I know I mess up, but I talk to them and ask for their forgiveness and we work through it. That is my biggest lesson. I have learned through them that we all make mistakes and it's okay to say when you do and work on it. Consequences come, but by me accepting my consequences my children are learning the mistakes do come with punishment sometimes, and other times harshness, but I have never hidden anything.
Motherhood is such a blessing and I look at their faces and realize there is nothing they could do to make be quit loving them. Absolutely nothing. I wonder how the mothers out there that don't love their children unconditionally can do it?
I had a poem I had to write for a class last week, in it was a line we had to finish....
" I am daughter of...."
I wrote..." I am a daughter of God". I was the only one who wrote that...why? We have our earthly parents, but in the end...God is my Father. He is the one I run to and cry with, He is the one I sing my heart out to cleaning the house, He is the one I thank for my children and the beauty in the world. I am a daughter of God.
You've left me in tears once again...and now I need to call my Mom. Love ya Sis. And you're so right...you have messed up, but you've learned from that, and so have your girls!
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